In which I justify my foul mood.

God, I’m in a mood this morning. My country is going insane. I wish we had a giant Cheeto as a president too.

I can’t figure out which is worse:

  • Kid that got his elbow shattered by a bully in school.
  • Child bride nonsense still ongoing.
  • Pedophile being allowed to return to the general population even though he was already caught molesting a child.
  • Man that killed the woman and her two children by slamming into their parked car is being let go even though there more than ample evidence to convict.
  • And last but certainly not least. We have to look out for human traffickers. That are blatantly snatching people in broad daylight.

I’ll say this though, I won’t be surprised if the citizens start taking matters into their own hands.

Today has been quite awful. Last night I went to bed with terrible pains around my eyes and nose. This morning I awoke to more of the same, this time with intense nausea and hypotension. 

Worse than that however, was the intense pain radiating from the trigger points on my hips. As they rotate in the socket I’m mewling unconsciously. I suppose I can no longer avoid the Tramacet at this point.

I had a cup ramen so I’d have something in my stomach before taking the Tramacet and passed right out.

Woke up an hour later because the delivery man called and had my first cup of bulletproof coffee. Surprising, this did help somewhat. The hypotension and low blood sugar issues seemed to melt away leaving only the Tramacet induced lethargy and the dulled pain.

It’s got quite a unique flavour. I used this recipe and found the vanilla essence to be overwhelming. A few drops of stevia made it more palatable. I’ll switch up the flavours tomorrow and see if I have similar results.

Before I drank the coffee I was quite scared. I was seriously considering calling an ambulance. I feel calmer now so I’m going back to bed.

With luck when next I awaken, I’ll have had significant relief from this new hell.

xo

January retrospective

It seems like there’s a tendency with my fibromyalgia to worsen during the month of December. That’s been the case for the last 3 years or so. I had hoped to have avoided that fate last year but it reared its ugly head 3 days before New Years.

I have never experienced pain that intense before. So much that all I could do was whimper, scream and cry. Luckily, I didn’t start this year with most of my limbs damaged. I also learned that fibromyalgia is somewhat degenerative. You’d think I’d have noticed on my own but nope. I hadn’t really considered that possibility, since most of my energy was focused on finding was to cope with the pain.

New Year’s Eve found me in the ER at the St. Augustine Private Hospital since I had spent the 3 days prior screaming my head off. Here I underwent a new batch of blood tests and x-rays trying to determine if the pain was due to getting injured. (I have dissociative episodes so I don’t always know if I’ve injured myself). The x-rays were fine. The blood tests came back with elevated white blood cells. And the final result was that the fibromyalgia had worsened.

January was quite depressing for me because I missed the entire months worth of classes due to the amount of muscle relaxers that I was on. I’m not so far behind that I can’t catch up on my own but I worry about the side effects of the higher dosage of Cymbalta. It’s nothing that I wasn’t expecting but I hadn’t realised that the brain fog would be quite this bad. It’s to the point where it literally hurts to think.

As per usual we’re always looking into possible solutions and Tempurpedic beds came up. I was able to try out all the variations in the showroom located at Aripita Avenue. To my suprise the beds provided a ridiculous level of relief. For the few minutes I took to try them out I had no pain. There was a sense of my body feeling as if it’s weight had been lifted off my muscles and bones. They didn’t hurt my soft tissues at all unlike my current bed.

Now I find myself impatient because knowing there’s a solution and not being able to obtain it immediately is intensely frustrating. I’m trying my best to not add unnecessary pressure to my hubby so we won’t end up messing up our finances. The beds are quite expensive after all.

I’m writing this while waiting for the Tramacet to kick in so if there’s any gibberish, I apologize.

xo

And now for a bit of positivity.

Yesterday we carried Gin to the vet. He’s fine. Luckily, his issue seems to be related to how thick and long his undercoat is. Treatment is simple, cat chow and shampoos designed for shedding. He’s probably not going to like having an extra bath day for the week. 

Unfortunately, I also had to see a doctor urgently myself. Apparently, the vaginal issues haven’t been resolved. After doing yet another course of Avelox I found myself seeing another gynecologist. Avelox is supposed to be very effective against Klebsiella bacteria and this time it had no effect outside of intensifying how bad I usually feel. We’ve taken another vaginal swab so now it’s the old waiting for lab results grind. I’ll be intensely annoyed if it’s yet another gut bacteria that made its way to my womb.

Meanwhile, the digestive trouble has gotten worse. I’m seeing visible signs of severe inflammation now so I’m guessing the diagnosis is going to end up being colitis. I’ve no idea how to schedule the next round of tests. Hard to tell which is the most important when they’re all similarly bad.

I’ve exhausted all the current treatment options for fibromyalgia. I am getting some relief from it which I’m considering a win, compared to how bad it was at Christmas last year. I’m a far cry from self sufficiency but I’m hopeful that in the next few years we’ll understand fibromyalgia much better.

Now that I’m allowed to exercise, I’m hoping that my muscle grade will increase enough that I can tolerate extra weight again. 

I am severely depressed right now so it’s hard to focus on how much progress I’ve made health wise this year. I’m extremely grateful to my doctors for the excellent care they’ve given me. I’ve no doubt that without their efforts and those of my darling I’d have done something unfortunate to myself since the first half of this year was brutal. I’d wake up and have to force my joints back into place or screaming because my body was pulling itself apart. I can only imagine how it must be for my darling to witness these episodes.

Here’s to hoping that the upward tick continues into next year.

Thoughts on Skyrim’s latest re-release.

I’ve never gotten into Skyrim. Friends and acquaintances lost their goddamn minds when the game was originally released. I found the game frightfully boring. It was quite the unpopular opinion.

I’ve seen it get re-released multiple times since and everytime I find myself marveling at how few improvements you get for this full AAA pricing.

Apparently the new version is excellent if you’re a console gamer but not so much for PC users who are accustomed to games being gorgeous either by design or modding.

But don’t expect the PS4 mods to be as good as PC mods because apparently you can only use in game assets.