If only…

One of the things I’ve grown to hate about being sick is medication. Sometimes the cure makes you feel worse than the condition itself. You tell yourself that it’s okay and you can stick it out “this course won’t last that long”.

As the weeks turn to months and the months turn to years that hope gets old and depression sets in. Then you feel like maybe dying won’t be so bad if only the pain would just end.

It’s impossible to relate to the people you used to interact with before becoming ill because a lot of them act like the reason you’re sick is that you didn’t try hard enough to be well. They get tired of hearing about it and they start saying things like “you’re always sick” as if you want to be sick.

Those of the religious persuasion start telling you that if you pray harder God will cure you or that God has a plan. I suppose they don’t see the irony in those statements.

I’ve been sick for the last 2 decades and I managed to be calm and logical for most of that time. I may just be due for a breakdown at this point. I’m getting tired of my life revolving around my illness.

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