Some days it seems like my problems are insurmountable. It’s not enough to know what causes the depression because thinking about depression worsens depression. Which is freaking depressing!
I’ve looked into mindfulness as a treatment for depression and so far it seems to be more effective as the antidepressant. I saw that because anti-depressants don’t treat depression so much as blunt it’s effects temporarily. Mindfulness however, helps you deal with the trauma that caused the depressive episode.
Another problem has cropped up. I’m terrified of eating. I’m tired of the experimentation and the cycles of diarrhea and nausea. It’s gotten to the point where I’d rather eat fast food than go though the painful process of cooking only to throw out yet another set of food when it makes me ill.
I’ve had one good month this year. October was it for me. November rolled around and the shoulder that was injured when I got hit by the car last year started acting up. Then December rolled around and now my allergies are acting up. It’s not fun to be sneezing uncontrollably while trying to keep your shoulder from popping out of it’s socket.
I’ve talked about how important exercise and healthy eating is to my health before. My weight is a major factor in the level of pain I experience so this state of affairs is most upsetting. If I can’t cook, not only am I not eating properly but my husband’s nutrition suffers as well. Luckily, I’ve enlisted help on the exercise front. I’ve started seeing a physiotherapist and I am getting some relief which is great. I only hope that it’s worth the price in the long run. As it is, there are now moments in the day that I feel no pain. That’s enough for me to keep up with the therapeutic exercises and ice pack treatment.
I ended up having to go to the dentist for the first time in years last month, we had a bit of suspense while we waited to see if it was a torn ligament or a vertical fracture. Luckily it was a torn ligament. Even luckier is that Kieron noticed my habit of grinding my teeth to cope with pain which explained how it got torn in the first place. A week later I was the owner of a spanking new mouth guard whose surface my teeth have already begun to chew up.
I am optimistic about next year though. I hope I can get over my aversion to eating before January so I won’t be living in terror of Diabetes and hypoglycemia.
CC Image courtesy Wallpaper Rose