Ruminations

9.2.2021

Today didn’t go so well. I’d hoped that I’d be able to walk this morning. Alas, I woke up with a cluster headache, my hips were a mess and my feet were still numb. Its odd how you can feel different types of pain at the same time.

It seems like my cluster headaches are getting worse. I don’t know if it’s the birth control again or if I need to go and do the surgery on my eyes. Of all the surgeries I may do, this one is the scariest. Since there was a period that I was blind due to a botched eye surgery. I had 3 in all and the last one left me with strabismus. I’ve always been self conscious about it. But the risk of permanent sight loss put me off.

The optometrist mentioned that risks with the newer surgical techniques is much lower. I get muscle spasms and random flashes of light in my eyes that trigger my clusters so I’m tempted. She mentioned that using an eye patch would ease it and for a long time it did but it isn‘t as effective as it used to be.

Diet wise I’m not doing to bad. I didn’t buy any fast food yesterday or today. I drank Malta with my meals and I also drank a few ounces of Coke with 2 packs of spicy tortillas. I didn’t binge which was great. We have planned one fast food day per week in the hope that it’ll help me mentally with the changes I’ve made.

I know from experience that that if I quit cold turkey I rebound and end up putting on more weight than I started with. My max weight is 204 lbs which a lot for my frame. I’m getting some skeletal pain from my posture going off. Since I don’t carry my weight uniforml uniformly. The bulk of it is on my stomach. So it’s lower back pain, hip pain and torso pain. I’m weighing in once a week and my goal is to cook most of my meals. If I can get fast food purchases down to once per week along with my soda intake that would be wonderful.

Here’s to hoping that I can walk tomorrow morning. 🙏

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