Ruminations

11.2.2021

I’d planned to write yesterday but alas, my arms were a mess. I managed to take a walk around 6 am. It went well. It’s just the aftermath wasn’t so pretty. I came back feeling like someone inserted those needles they use to test for neuropathy into my legs. By nightfall, I couldn’t put weight on my feet without severe pain.

And then I made things worse by cooking and cleaning. So now I hurt from head to toe. The counters in our kitchen are in the low side. So whenever I cook, especially if I’m cooking a few days worth. It can get extremely painful. I’m thinking, that we should make our counters waist height when we build our house to avoid that.

It seems like we really underestimated how badly my body has deteriorated. But no matter, baby steps and I’m sure we’ll find something that works in time.

I also discovered that it’s hard for me not to binge when I’m in a lot of pain. So there was fast food yesterday and today. I’m ashamed of myself. But I understand that with eating disorders you just have to take it one day at a time.

Today I barely got out of bed. The muscles in my legs were extremely tight. And my instep and heels hurt like the dickens. The weird muscle spasms and nerve pains are still going on but it’s not as bad. So maybe I can take a walk tomorrow.

I’ll be really happy if my body recovers enough that I can cook, clean and exercise everyday.

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