Thoughtstreams

5.5.2021

Today was darling’s birthday. Didn’t do anything too special. Got some Chinese take out. Had some red wine and cheese cake. Luckily, he was on his last off day. So we got to have a nice lazy day together.

Meditation didn’t go so well today. The practice was about expanding beyond yourself but the muscles running along my shoulder blades down the sides of my spinal column started pulling so badly I was twitching and gritting my teeth just so I could finish. But now my muscles are burning like hell. Even the muscles in my biceps got strained. So darling had to run and get a dose of Tramacet for me. And as I’m waiting for it to start working my muscles are tightening even more. Sometimes, living in this body is a psychological horror movie.

I noticed things weren’t right when I woke up this morning. As I got out of bed and tried moving around with normal posture, my muscles started tightening and the neuropathy was also flaring up at the bits bounding the muscles that were contracting. So I gave up doing anything hoping it would go away. I don’t know if what’s happening right now is a better outcome than I would have had if I’d gone along with my plans for today. The only thing that got struck off the list was washing the dishes, making a simple dinner and baking some bread. Things really went south when I got to the bread. But I think it’s the dishes that really did me in. Because I use the food processor to handle all the strenuous bits of the bread making process. Whereas washing dishes is always excruciating on account of how low the counters are.

Thankfully, I didn’t have any yoga scheduled for today. Because I’d have really been depressed if I’d missed that. I just hope it stops with the Tramacet because otherwise I’ll probably have to go back on the Lyrica and Cymbalta combo to handle the mini seizures and stop the subluxations. And I really don’t want to because the side effects were so awful. But on the other hand, my body doesn’t try to strangle and break itself. So I guess I’ll have to suck it up and see how I can mitigate the damage.

Hopefully, it won’t come to that.

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