First post of the year.

Man, it’s been a long time since I last posted here. Things have gone downhill rather rapidly since then. It feels like I lost my way when it comes to writing. Between the frustrations of severe brain fog and dealing with a certain type of religious person. I lost my zeal to do something that was offering me a level of comfort.

Last July I nearly died. I’m extremely grateful to the doctors and nurses who took care of me. And my beloved who spent that week preparing to lose me. Also, my friend and his wife and son who were with me when my darling couldn’t be.

In August, I was administered a course of Prednisone after developing temporary paralysis in my lower body. I’ve been dealing with the side effects from that since. The weight I gained wiped out my weight loss progress and I’m now at the heaviest I’ve ever been at 195 pounds.

Cut to last week when I ended up back in the ER because fluid was building up inside my head. After some testing and an odd 24 hour urine test it was decided that we should address the psychological aspects of my Fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome before continuing with testing. The psychiatrist they asked to see me was a very pleasant man who said therapy might prove useful given past events in my life. So, I’ll be seeing him soon.

Sadly, the day after I came out the hospital I ended up by my physiotherapist who put me on Calcort because I had somehow managed to tear both deltoids and the trapezius. How I managed to do this is unknown. The most obvious reason might be the frequent subluxations and occasional dislocations.

I’ve got one week remaining with the course of Calcort. Then I guess we’ll see where it goes from there. I’ve got the usual side effects from the Calcort so it’s been quite difficult to say the least.

Finally back to working out.

Its been over 9 months since I’ve had a proper workout. Started on Monday with this routine

Sadly I’d forgotten to set the timer on the vivofit 2 beforehand so I’ve no idea how many calories I burnt.

I’m rather proud of myself for finishing this routine. I’d been working my way up to it with 4 minute workouts on the elliptical. After crawling off the elliptical I realised that this current level is at my limit. Which is fine, now we’ll see how far I can go this time.

There are some supplements and medication I’ll need to take to reduce to excessive wear and tear my body is prone to. Here’s to hoping for a consistent six months this time!

Diet wise I’ve had to leave the ketogenic diet behind. As effective as it was I still managed to develop non-obstructive kidney stones. It’s a known issue for some people I’m just glad they caught it when I did the CT-contrast. I’m not particularly bothered since I can now take the Metformin Denk without developing ulcers and reflux. This means I don’t have to fear carbs as much.

It’ll be lovely to eat the foods I’ve been accustomed to again.

Tuesday ended up being a rest day, I was simply to sore to attempt anything. DOMs was much less painful than it usually is.

Wednesday was a bit iffy

Triggered a cluster headache while running because I tied my hair to keep it from whipping me in the face. Today was mostly legs so there’s some soreness. The level I’m at right now is perfect. When I get off the elliptical my muscles are perfectly fatigued which is nice.

As for getting stuff done I’m still fairly limited in what I can do, I can’t cook, clean and exercise on the same day. So I’m going to focus on just exercising for now. As my body gets stronger that should improve.

Thursday was another rest day. I’d planned on adding some yoga but my legs were too sore. Made some attempts at cleaning instead. My shoulder is still hurting. It’s been months, I’m going to contact the physiotherapist and see if he can see me on Saturday.

Friday was quite good.

The DOMs are still within normal levels. Added a dynamic stretching warm-up and a standing cool down stretch. I’ve still got some soreness when I’m trying to sit or stand from Wednesday’s workout but I’m otherwise doing well.

Had a mishap with the Alevian duo tonight. It popped in my throat because I had a muscle spasm. Got some rather irritating chemical burns in my throat and some ways down as a result.

Saturday was okay, hubby had to do his hair, I woke up feeling rather ill. No doubt the result of a few weeks of insomnia finally caught up to me. Managed to clean the bedroom and scrub the bathroom.

Saw the physiotherapist around 3pm. Got some bad news about the shoulder. It’s a capsule injury and nothing can be done to repair it. But I can compensate for the damage by strengthening the muscles around it. As for how I managed to injure it when I’ve spent most of this year bed ridden is anyone’s guess.

It turns out that the MSM supplement he started me on 2 weeks ago is the reason my DOMs are normal now. Banzai!

Sunday was pretty bad. Started the GNC Lean 25 meal plan. In retrospect, this was a bad idea. Since I’d taken Tramacet the night before for the shoulder and cluster headache the comedown today was terribly unpleasant and worsening by the hour. No doubt I’ll have to eat something high carb to compensate.

All things considered, I’m looking forward to next week. I hoping to add yoga to my off days but still maintain the routine I started last week. With any luck this unpleasant nausea will pass tonight and Monday will be lovely.


In which I justify my foul mood.

God, I’m in a mood this morning. My country is going insane. I wish we had a giant Cheeto as a president too.

I can’t figure out which is worse:

  • Kid that got his elbow shattered by a bully in school.
  • Child bride nonsense still ongoing.
  • Pedophile being allowed to return to the general population even though he was already caught molesting a child.
  • Man that killed the woman and her two children by slamming into their parked car is being let go even though there more than ample evidence to convict.
  • And last but certainly not least. We have to look out for human traffickers. That are blatantly snatching people in broad daylight.

I’ll say this though, I won’t be surprised if the citizens start taking matters into their own hands.

Today has been quite awful. Last night I went to bed with terrible pains around my eyes and nose. This morning I awoke to more of the same, this time with intense nausea and hypotension. 

Worse than that however, was the intense pain radiating from the trigger points on my hips. As they rotate in the socket I’m mewling unconsciously. I suppose I can no longer avoid the Tramacet at this point.

I had a cup ramen so I’d have something in my stomach before taking the Tramacet and passed right out.

Woke up an hour later because the delivery man called and had my first cup of bulletproof coffee. Surprising, this did help somewhat. The hypotension and low blood sugar issues seemed to melt away leaving only the Tramacet induced lethargy and the dulled pain.

It’s got quite a unique flavour. I used this recipe and found the vanilla essence to be overwhelming. A few drops of stevia made it more palatable. I’ll switch up the flavours tomorrow and see if I have similar results.

Before I drank the coffee I was quite scared. I was seriously considering calling an ambulance. I feel calmer now so I’m going back to bed.

With luck when next I awaken, I’ll have had significant relief from this new hell.


January retrospective

It seems like there’s a tendency with my fibromyalgia to worsen during the month of December. That’s been the case for the last 3 years or so. I had hoped to have avoided that fate last year but it reared its ugly head 3 days before New Years.

I have never experienced pain that intense before. So much that all I could do was whimper, scream and cry. Luckily, I didn’t start this year with most of my limbs damaged. I also learned that fibromyalgia is somewhat degenerative. You’d think I’d have noticed on my own but nope. I hadn’t really considered that possibility, since most of my energy was focused on finding was to cope with the pain.

New Year’s Eve found me in the ER at the St. Augustine Private Hospital since I had spent the 3 days prior screaming my head off. Here I underwent a new batch of blood tests and x-rays trying to determine if the pain was due to getting injured. (I have dissociative episodes so I don’t always know if I’ve injured myself). The x-rays were fine. The blood tests came back with elevated white blood cells. And the final result was that the fibromyalgia had worsened.

January was quite depressing for me because I missed the entire months worth of classes due to the amount of muscle relaxers that I was on. I’m not so far behind that I can’t catch up on my own but I worry about the side effects of the higher dosage of Cymbalta. It’s nothing that I wasn’t expecting but I hadn’t realised that the brain fog would be quite this bad. It’s to the point where it literally hurts to think.

As per usual we’re always looking into possible solutions and Tempurpedic beds came up. I was able to try out all the variations in the showroom located at Aripita Avenue. To my suprise the beds provided a ridiculous level of relief. For the few minutes I took to try them out I had no pain. There was a sense of my body feeling as if it’s weight had been lifted off my muscles and bones. They didn’t hurt my soft tissues at all unlike my current bed.

Now I find myself impatient because knowing there’s a solution and not being able to obtain it immediately is intensely frustrating. I’m trying my best to not add unnecessary pressure to my hubby so we won’t end up messing up our finances. The beds are quite expensive after all.

I’m writing this while waiting for the Tramacet to kick in so if there’s any gibberish, I apologize.


And now for a bit of positivity.

Yesterday we carried Gin to the vet. He’s fine. Luckily, his issue seems to be related to how thick and long his undercoat is. Treatment is simple, cat chow and shampoos designed for shedding. He’s probably not going to like having an extra bath day for the week. 

Unfortunately, I also had to see a doctor urgently myself. Apparently, the vaginal issues haven’t been resolved. After doing yet another course of Avelox I found myself seeing another gynecologist. Avelox is supposed to be very effective against Klebsiella bacteria and this time it had no effect outside of intensifying how bad I usually feel. We’ve taken another vaginal swab so now it’s the old waiting for lab results grind. I’ll be intensely annoyed if it’s yet another gut bacteria that made its way to my womb.

Meanwhile, the digestive trouble has gotten worse. I’m seeing visible signs of severe inflammation now so I’m guessing the diagnosis is going to end up being colitis. I’ve no idea how to schedule the next round of tests. Hard to tell which is the most important when they’re all similarly bad.

I’ve exhausted all the current treatment options for fibromyalgia. I am getting some relief from it which I’m considering a win, compared to how bad it was at Christmas last year. I’m a far cry from self sufficiency but I’m hopeful that in the next few years we’ll understand fibromyalgia much better.

Now that I’m allowed to exercise, I’m hoping that my muscle grade will increase enough that I can tolerate extra weight again. 

I am severely depressed right now so it’s hard to focus on how much progress I’ve made health wise this year. I’m extremely grateful to my doctors for the excellent care they’ve given me. I’ve no doubt that without their efforts and those of my darling I’d have done something unfortunate to myself since the first half of this year was brutal. I’d wake up and have to force my joints back into place or screaming because my body was pulling itself apart. I can only imagine how it must be for my darling to witness these episodes.

Here’s to hoping that the upward tick continues into next year.

Thoughts on Skyrim’s latest re-release.

I’ve never gotten into Skyrim. Friends and acquaintances lost their goddamn minds when the game was originally released. I found the game frightfully boring. It was quite the unpopular opinion.

I’ve seen it get re-released multiple times since and everytime I find myself marveling at how few improvements you get for this full AAA pricing.

Apparently the new version is excellent if you’re a console gamer but not so much for PC users who are accustomed to games being gorgeous either by design or modding.

But don’t expect the PS4 mods to be as good as PC mods because apparently you can only use in game assets. 

Oscar Wilde

Calenders mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

I’ve always thought that the idea that every day someone somewhere is celebrating a milestone or just rejoicing at being alive was one of the most meaningful realizations I’ve ever had.

It makes it easier to interact with others more empathetically if you always keep that in the back of your mind.

It’s not always about the triumphs but if you’re having a bad day, kind words or a simple smile can brighten it right up.