Rambling about labels.

I used to identify with the labels I thought would define me, making it easier to communicate or so I thought. Now I’m older I understand that if I take on a label, I’m choosing to associate myself with all the terrible things (as well as the good)  being perpetuated under that banner.

Nowadays the only label I accept is humanitarian. I care about the betterment of those around me and it really doesn’t get more complicated that that. 

I don’t care about political parties that change their tune as soon as they’re elected. Nor do I care to identify by accident of birth or allegiance to one gender. Or religious affiliation.
If I see a minority being attacked I’ll try my best to defend them but I won’t hide the atrocities they commit because it’s to hard to believe that suffering doesn’t automatically ennoble a person.

If I see someone passed out I’ll at least administer first aid or call an ambulance.

I am not unique. I am just human. 

Mixed news this morning at the dentist’s. The bruxism has gotten to the point where I can’t sleep without my mouth guard. However, as that’s all I have to do I consider it a win. The nerves are still damaged but the dentist is fairly certain that I won’t need a root canal since I’m not in that much pain any more. I can chew food again, oh happy day!

Is this my new normal?

My health has been getting worse since the middle of last year. Christmas was difficult, I got my first sprain on Christmas eve. Unfortunately, the strain became chronic and there was a snowball effect. Ending with all my limbs being either strained or partially dislocated before New Years.

It’s never the same issue unfortunately. Some of my doctors have had more success than others. The last problem had to do with muscle/nerves. Which just added to the list of tests and surgeries that need doing. Being in and out of the hospital means that scheduling any of these things far in advance is a waste of time. I’m terrified of making the wrong choice.

One of my friends asked me what my new normal looks like so I’ll address that here. If I want to leave the house I must have a first aid kit on me at all times. Granted, it’s getting bigger as time goes by. These days my kit looks like this:

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It’s hard to know when something will go wrong so I plan for as much as I can. Since there’s a chance that this might help someone in a similar position here’s the break down. I’ve got a unilateral ankle stabilizer for the random sprains and spasms. Tramacet for the damage that the spasms leave behind. Lyrica keeps the spasms at bay but it does nothing for the pain. Dolobene gel stops my muscles from developing clots because they’re always tightening. 12 hour Gravol for the constant nausea that the IBS causes and re-hydration salts in case the IBS flares. Brulidine cream helps when my finger tips tear thanks to carpal tunnel. The eyepatch helps with my migraines but not so much for the cluster headaches unfortunately. The inhalers help me when my throat closes up. And allergy meds because you never know what’s in the food available and bees so much goddamned bees!

I still need another ankle stabilizer since both feet have a tendency to sprain at the same time. I’ll need a shoulder stabilizer at some point since I have chronic partial dislocations after getting hit by a car a few years ago.

After I see the neurologist and get the muscle and nerve tests done I should be much closer to normalcy.

Some thoughts on Jurrasic World.

I saw Jurassic World today. I found it rather amazing that there was such uproar over sexism, racism and shoes. I am beginning to despise these review sites and the narrative that they’re trying to spin. I can determine for myself whether something is sexist or racist on my own. After seeing the show I can safely say that none of those claims held water.

That woman was the most annoying female I’ve seen in a movie for a while. She only pulls the stick out of her ass after she totally fails to contain the problem the loose dino posed. She also had no trouble running to the man she spends the first few minutes of the movie talking down to as soon as she has a use for him. Meanwhile his criticisms of her are quite valid and since she does fuck up quite a bit in the first half of the movie I don’t feel its necessary to go into spoiler territory.

As for the shoes they were inappropriate considering the job she had and the terrain she would no doubt be covering. The shoes didn’t bother me, it just added to my initial distaste for her character.

I loved this movie. I loved the dinosaurs and the raptors are my favorite characters. I loved that Chris’ character could be their alpha. To me its just like seeing Jurassic Park the first time. I spent so much time acting like a kid and bouncing around with glee

The kids this time weren’t that bad, the little one’s enthusiasm was infectious.

Thoughts on local reactions to the coming out of local transgendered persons.

I am reminded of theses words “love they neighbor as one would love thyself” and “do unto others as one would have them do onto you”. These are both pieces of scripture that are widely quoted by locals. And yet here they are shitting all over the words of their lord to revel in their collective bigotry. Am I to believe that they want the treatment that is being dealt out to these transgended persons by a population that is breathtaking in its wilful ignorance of basic human biology?

I’m not going to go into the biological reasons behind why someone would be transgendered again. It’s about time that these people realize that this has not one fuck to do with them. I am not transgendered but I am well aware of the horrifying lot that they are dealt. I am also well aware of why they need to come out publically.

Trindadian society is one that allows physical and emotional attacks on the LBGT community and its about time that we cut that shit out. We are fucking adults, if you’re straight its no excuse for being ignorant. I see people talking about how straight people are being ostracized and my jaw just hits the ground. Really? Are you being beaten for kissing your significant other in public or holding their hand? Are men trying to rape you straight? Are people stopping you from getting married because they think your love is disgusting? Are you being beaten within and inch of your life because your outside doesn’t match your inside or because you were born intersex and you look too effeminate or too masculine? Are people openly spewing hateful shit at you because of who you love? No? Then how about you shut the fuck up then?

Some thoughts on the Blade Trilogy.

Last night I decided to rewatch the Blade movies. After seeing the first two I can safely say that the movies aged well for what they were. The only effect that took me out of it was that swell up and explode sequence. The vampires are rather pathetic though. No night vision, no predatory instincts at all. I didn’t realize that before I guess I was more into the action porn aspect.

The third movie was a little disappointing. They tossed everything about him out, made him careless. Out went the stealth and his method of hunting all for the sake of introducing new characters to serve as his sidekicks. Granted these were more useful than the vampire squad that was training to hunt him in the last movie.

Involving the humans in the war just made it boring. We all know that humans won’t survive something like this as much fun as it is to fantasise otherwise. A bunch of unnecessary drama and posturing reminiscent of the bullshit we get in our daily lives. Hardly the escape I’d come to expect from this series.

The vampires in the third movie were also underwhelming with the exception of Dracula. A lot of those weird and unnecessary serpentine body movements for the females.

As usual, the weapons and action sequences were awesome. Reynolds’ quips were entertaining and the scenes with him and the vampire siblings were hilarious. And my god, Jessica’s muscle tone was mesmerising. I also liked the design of Dracula’s true form, really fits in with that blood god mythology they set up.

Yeouch!

Well that was scary and ridiculously painful. I can’t help but wonder; if a partial kneecap dislocation feels this bad what the full dislocation would feel like?

I’m actually terrified of knee issues. When I was a child, one of my friend’s kneecaps (yes both kneecaps) just shattered. One minute he was standing there next minute he was on the ground screaming.

Since then, every time I get so much as twinge in my knee I tense up.

Mixed feelings.

Today was a busy day. Generally I try not to see multiple doctors in one day if I can help it. The chronic sinusitis had other plans though. So after struggling to breathe for the last few days I decided to see another GP for a second opinion on the sinusitis. My sinuses were seriously inflamed so this is the stash I’ll be taking over the course of the next month or so.

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The GP said that sinus related issues are super hard to treat and since mines is due to a deviated septum there may be a surgery in my future.

The weirdest thing I got today was this:

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I just used it. Its quite an odd feeling but it’s not uncomfortable. After taking all my meds and doing the nasal irrigation I can finally breathe again.

Happiness :3

Things seem to be going okay on the Gastroenterology front. My current diagnosis is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The current treatment is Alevian duo 2x per day, 15 minutes before meals. It seems to be getting better the longer I use it. Luckily, I won’t need to rush to do the colonoscopy thankfully. I just need to do it at some point this year.

I’ll need to see an ENT at the end of this course of meds for the sinusitis because its probably going to continue coming back until my septum is fixed. The incessant burning in my scalp could also be because the inflamed sinuses are compressing the nerve the runs through my ear. At some point I’ll need to see a dermatologist about the tearing and soreness going on with my fingertips.

I have mixed feelings about the news I got today. Its mostly kinda depressing. Doesn’t make any sense getting angry at my parents yet again.

At least I’m making progress with my health even if it seems like I’m not. I need a break from seeing that hospital. I’m glad that the next appointment is at the end of the month.

Fear and loathing.

Since I’ve moved to my new place I’ve had two bad experiences with men. One just happened: a homeless guy grabbed my hand and bit me then proceeded to chase me all the way to my house.

And another happened a week ago. My leg had popped out the joint and the person who stopped to help me turned out to be a pervert. Luckily nothing bad happened just a few unpleasant memories and of course more guilt.

I’m currently waiting on my hubby to come home so he can carry me to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t infected with anything. It didn’t bleed but it burns a lot so one can assume he broke my skin. I seriously doubt I’ll be able to escape that guy if he catches me a second time. I dislocated my shoulder as I yanked my hand away. That bugger was fucking strong.

I’m pretty upset right now because I never used to be scared all the time when I was training. I knew what I was capable of then and I knew when to run away. Now, I have no idea if I can defend myself because my body never listens.

I’m supposed I managed to outrun him without my legs popping out of the joint. I only wish I had the energy to run straight to the police station. They would have had to take me seriously if the crazy guy followed me all the way there.

I thought I had come a long way but it seems I was wrong. I’m cowering in my bedroom terrified and having flashbacks. It sucks but my mind is my greatest enemy when it comes to dealing effectively with these sorts of people.

I can only hope that homeless guy isn’t actively marking me.