Fear and loathing.

Since I’ve moved to my new place I’ve had two bad experiences with men. One just happened: a homeless guy grabbed my hand and bit me then proceeded to chase me all the way to my house.

And another happened a week ago. My leg had popped out the joint and the person who stopped to help me turned out to be a pervert. Luckily nothing bad happened just a few unpleasant memories and of course more guilt.

I’m currently waiting on my hubby to come home so he can carry me to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t infected with anything. It didn’t bleed but it burns a lot so one can assume he broke my skin. I seriously doubt I’ll be able to escape that guy if he catches me a second time. I dislocated my shoulder as I yanked my hand away. That bugger was fucking strong.

I’m pretty upset right now because I never used to be scared all the time when I was training. I knew what I was capable of then and I knew when to run away. Now, I have no idea if I can defend myself because my body never listens.

I’m supposed I managed to outrun him without my legs popping out of the joint. I only wish I had the energy to run straight to the police station. They would have had to take me seriously if the crazy guy followed me all the way there.

I thought I had come a long way but it seems I was wrong. I’m cowering in my bedroom terrified and having flashbacks. It sucks but my mind is my greatest enemy when it comes to dealing effectively with these sorts of people.

I can only hope that homeless guy isn’t actively marking me.

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I realized that while my depression leaves me numb to my own pleasures, I’m easily affected by the plights of others. Which is a pathetic situation to be in since my depression all but guarantees that I won’t be able to help.

I’m still doing the best I can. It’s an excruciatingly slow process and I want to give up so often but then I think of the people I love and get the energy to keep going.

I suspect that the way my health is going, its too much to hope for a long life with my darling but maybe I can do something lasting for those I leave behind.

As it turns out I’m all good on the diabetes front. My doctor was kind enough to text me and let me know I didn’t need to worry.

I still have metabolic syndrome so I’ll still have to live like a diabetic if I want to avoid diabetes later on.

Next up, I’m hoping I can fix my broken body enough to increase my exercise level.

Wish me luck!

It seems like good news. My fasting blood sugar is within normal limits at 92 mg/dL.

According to Medlineplus the normal range is between 70 and 100 milligrams per deciliter (mg/dL).

Since I’m pretty close to that upper limit there might be a follow up so we can determine what l can add to my routine to bring it closer to the lower up limit.

Glasses, patches and blood tests.

I picked up my glasses a few days ago and l have to admit that it works well. The only problem remaining is that I need to wear an eye patch when l have to concentrate.

Trinidad doesn’t seem to have much variety when it comes to patches, so after failing a few times I went with Amazon.

I found these nifty glasses patches so now I’m waiting for them to be delivered.

On the PCOS front things have gotten worse. More menopausal symptoms. As if the set l had weren’t annoying enough.

If you have a problem with vaginal tears after sex, your vaginal muscles may be thinning. It’s painful and embarrassing but luckily it’s treatable.

The gynecologist l saw about it also gave me a referral for a fasting blood sugar test to hopefully rule out diabetes. The results of which l won’t see until next Monday. So there’s even more thumb twiddling.

Meanwhile, we can’t tell if my darling is improving or not. We can’t wait for the follow up appointment. The waiting is torture.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! The munchkin is getting christened soon. I can’t wait! I haven’t seen her in ages.

Burnout

Like most people I see the problems that Trinidadian society faces and I’d like to do something positive about it.

One of the ways I’m drawing inspiration for the movement I’d like to start in Trinidad is by looking at what works all over the world.

Unfortunately this can get rather depressing. Looking at the anti vaccination movement and the strong anti LBGT and anti race sentiment that a small but influential minority in the US promotes. I feel like my faith in the human species is slipping.

I want to believe that we can be better than this but it terrifies me that everyone is so close minded.

Even the so-called social movements are not much better than the ones they claim to oppose. All sides engage in logical fallacies and seem to believe that the ends justifies the means.

Case in point. Jenny McCarthy. The pro-vaccination group vilified her for what she promoted. Forgetting that at her core she was a mother terrified of what was happening to her kid.

It’s stupidly easy to take advantage of people who are this vulnerable and there are many stories of the ills that charlatans visited upon these people.

Instead of offering these victims support there was an overwhelming sense that these people deserved everything that happened to them.

Alternative media networks like AlterNet that I strongly considered using as a starting point for the movement showed their true colours as parasites that are benefiting from the divide.

Sure they publish some food stuff but occasionally they allow conspiracy theorists a platform to spew their dangerous ideas.

This is not good. If you want to present yourself as a place for people to learn about their community then you destroy your credibility with these tactics.

The world is not black and white. Its not a matter of us or them. We are all in this together and it would serve us well if more people would keep that in mind as they go about their daily lives.