A silver lining appears?

Ahh…I can’t believe I woke up this early. These days I’m not doing so good health wise. I’m constantly nauseous and tired. I suppose I might just be nervous since today is a big day.

It’s my long awaited visit to the gynaecologist. I hadn’t realized how stressed out this was making me until I woke up with a migraine this morning.

Today should bring me one step closer to better health but it’s still scary. The possibility of finding more complications is high since I’ve had the ovarian cysts since I hit puberty.

The year so far has been a symphony of pain and suffering. I could do with some good news.

Today I shall be ill.

I admit that I have though a lot about blogging recently but I find that writers block hit me not because I create scintillating content but because I find it hard to figure out how much one should share.

You see, I had originally intended to use this blog as a thought stream of sorts since my head (read memory) is remarkably similar to Swiss cheese. I would like to maintain some sort of archive of the things I find interesting and various memories for perusal when my doctors hopefully fix my malfunctioning hormones.

That being said today’s thought stream is a bit self derisive. You see I suffer from a peptic ulcer and for the most part I try to eat well but there are certain days of the year that I make an exception for. Today (yesterday) was one of them. Diwali is the only day for the year I prepare to be annoyingly sick because I love curry and in particular, the curry that my friend’s mum makes.

So yes I am feeling a bit under the weather now but I think it was worth it because there is something to be said for having a choice. I usually don’t get to choose to be in pain, it just happens. Random, debilitating and oftentimes depressing the pains that make up my day are familiar but not dear.

I choose to feel this and the net effect is that even though I am in pain, I feel empowered. Its very similar to a runner’s high to be honest which is also something I have become familiar with in the last few weeks.

I’ll say this much for it. Even though right now I seem to be adding pains to the ones I already have since I apparently run badly (which is a situation that I plan to rectify as soon as possible). Running seems to relieve my depression. A side effect that I am most grateful for to be sure.

So I had super fun with Reanna and her family for their Diwali celebration. I could have done without the fireworks since I’m still a bit deaf but all in all, it was fun. I wish my brothers could have been there but they don’t like the driver so they didn’t come. I honestly was most disappointed since both Reanna and I had looked forward to seeing them for a little bit.

One of my brothers said something I found rather insensitive though. When I told him I was in pain and he blew me off with” so what else is new”. Which was supremely annoying since when a disgustingly healthy person says something like that I honestly wish that they could live a day in my shoes. So I could have one day without pain, so that they can understand when I say something like that what I really need is some comfort as I am obviously a bit frustrated.

I find myself distancing myself from people when it happens because I think to myself that I don’t want the kind of people.around me would would be insensitive enough to say something like that.

Only The Lonely By Stephen Fry

Only The Lonely By Stephen Fry

I was quite sad to read this since I adore Stephen Fry. I’m glad that he got the help he needed and to a lesser extent that he shared his experience with the public. Especially since the public still doesn’t understand metal illness; they still believe for instance that mental illness is a myth which is extremely dangerous depending on the condition the person in question is suffering from.

One can only hope that as time goes by these things will become less prevalent.

 

Are you offended yet?

image

I’m not sure that I agree with with this. Discussing offensive subject matter (like for instance whether the movie a Serbian Film should be banned because of scenes depicting the rape of a baby right out of the womb and necrophilia among other things) is one thing but what about being offended that some one is gay because a book said they shouldn’t be?

Sure a scenario like that can trigger discussion but it’s usually of the blah blah blah (I’m not listening) variety. Where the party who created the offense believes that they have the right to impose restrictions on others and that their opinions hold more weight because they think they know what’s best. Like a rich trophy wife trying to close down fast food restaurants because she believes that fast food is getting people fat. She doesn’t think that these people have any sense because in her mind giving children fast food is child abuse.

I am all for enforcing nutritional data for restaurants and causing them to display real portion sizes, since one of the contributing factors to obesity is portion distortion. But how can a women who wants for nothing believe she has the right to impose restrictions on people who simply speaking do not have enough money to eat healthy due to the growing gap between the rich and poor?

Society undervalues creativity. Many people think that creativity just means decorating your room well or choosing the right colours for your clothes. In reality creativity is what underlies all change. Without creativity the world would be stagnant.

Via: Humans of New York.

This quote caused me to recall a recurring thought I had about the importance of dreams/goals to humans. To a large extent it is our creative ability that births our dreams.

Sure we find inspiration from the people around us but at the end of the day we all encounter various people and experiences over the course of our lifetimes and assimilate them. We might decide to be a teacher after we meet what we believe to be the ideal teacher but we are unique in that we can never be that person.

Society for some reason wishes to force us all into predetermined roles. For instance it pressures women to be mothers and children to follow in the footsteps of their parents. Individual hopes are squashed and apathy issues. Without dreams we have nothing.

For someone like me who has lost the ability to pursue her dreams, quotes like this keep me inspired. Since it’s a huge world out there and while I may (or may not) get better, somewhere out there is the thing that only I can do. The thing that will bring happiness and fulfillment to my life and the lives of those around me.

Sometimes I just get tired of feeling like this.

Tired.Usually my perspective is more upbeat but occasionally I go through long periods of depression.

I live vicariously through media; mostly books and music nowadays. Anime hasn’t been that good for the last few years (not that there isn’t the occasional gem). I’ve never cared for television and my latest coping mechanism is cute yaoi manga.

I’m always on the inside looking out thanks to the seemingly never-ending list of medical complications I’ve got. This is generally my preference since I’m agoraphobic. But even I have people I adore and get frustrated when it gets in the way of spending time with them.

Presently, the source of my frustration are my memory problems, which as one would expect makes continuing my education difficult. A situation compounded by carpal tunnel syndrome.

Usually when my condition stops me from pursuing one avenue, I simply seek another.But while humans tend to be full of dreams, I’m running out of things I want to dedicate my life to and it’s depressing me to no end.

And of course I have to deal with people who judge me without knowing anything about my situation. These people are intensely annoying as they tend to trigger old wounds.

Honestly, some days I wonder why I bother getting out of bed.

Everyday heroes.

What exactly is a hero? If you were to ask a random person, they’d probably say Batman or Superman. My heroes are my husband and my friends. I suppose that might seem a little weird huh? It’s not like they’ve saved a city or anything but they did save me, and while that doesn’t seem like much it means the world to me.

Too often we take the people around us for granted. Please take time to appreciate the ones around you because you never know what someone might be going through.

Be kind always.